Okay, I must admit that when an image of this appeared on my X feed yesterday, I was sure that someone was trolling me. One of my irrational hates is sofas in the cinema. I just think that it waters down the experience. I like sitting in one of those big comfy chairs you only get in the big screen experience. Or in the old days, I loved those hard as nails flip-up chairs. It is all part of the romance of the cinema to me. If I want to watch a film on a sofa, then I will do it at home. My beloved sister and my bestie Jacqui both love going to the cinema and relaxing on a sofa with a well earned drink and cannot understand why I am against it. But even these beloved icons will surely be against this latest abomination, the ultimate final destination of that ‘just like at home’ thing that annoying cinemas keep trying to sell me. CINEMA BEDS.
Wait, what? Yes, this might sound like something a couple of twee little cunts running their own ‘cult cinema’ might do, just playing ironic classics from their own houses, but NO, The VIP Bed Experience comes to us from one of the biggest and most iconic names in the business, Odeon Cinemas. From their site “Lie back and stretch out on our luxurious VIP Beds and take cinema to a more comfortable level. Boasting unparalleled comfort and space. VIP Beds will elevate your cinematic experience and allow you to be transported to another world. VIP Beds guarantee you the best seat in the screen, seating up to three people, and provide unrivalled legroom so you can stretch out, lie back and relax.”
Now something that really grinds my gears when I am at the cinema is seeing someone a few rows away on their fucking phone throughout the film. Yes I understand (but don’t understand, obvs) that this generation is now connected to their phone at all times, but surely you can put it away for the length of a film, unless you are the goddamn president and might need to go stop a war before Civil War reaches its climax? Now, imagine these same people when you give them a bed, even more casual, even less like going out, they are going to be sharing their phones, ‘whispering’ loudly and no doubt laughing like hyenas, just when the film hits its unexpected twist.
And putting the beds at the front of the cinema means you are going to see every movement, every phone light and you know some ‘cool’ exhibitionist is going to fuck right there in the cinema. Sure, that’s hilarious if it is in a Hollywood sex comedy, but not when I am trying to watch Joker : Folie A Deux.
Is it just me? I guess this could sound like ‘old man shouts at clouds’, but I actually visit the cinema on a regular basis, this is not one of those “Why is Taylor famous?!” moments where someone who never buys new records or follows the charts tries to tell me the biggest star in the world ‘has no memorable songs’, nope I am commenting on an arena that I love, an arena where experiencing the art should be the biggest reward, not lolling or LOLling about on a bed with your mates. Yes, we want more people in cinemas but at the same time, stay at home if you need a bed because you can’t be in a public arena for 124 minutes.
Kendall Lacey's Webworld 